OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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