I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
