You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
