whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize