The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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