uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
