Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize