honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
