I want to make a zoo with you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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