Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
