Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
