You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bring me that man meat
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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