The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
