she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
