yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
