Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
