So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
