i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
