AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
