You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
