we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
