I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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