Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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