i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
