You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
