I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
