One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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