I wish my penis had an off switch
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
