So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
