i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sex in a hospital.. check
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
