DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize