she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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