We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
