TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
