God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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