you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
