im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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