The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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