its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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