it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
