Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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