I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
