Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
