3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize