I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
