we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
