Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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