woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
