No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
