You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
