ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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