a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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