The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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