So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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