I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
