Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
