i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
