how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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