He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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