Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
