I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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