I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
