I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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