Too much gin, very little bucket
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
