perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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