If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Girls should come with a carfax report
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
