sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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