I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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