I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
