so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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