I didn't shave. On purpose
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
