Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
