I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
