I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
