I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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