sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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