It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
