She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
