I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize