I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
home. puking in laundry basket.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
