he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
