I'm gonna have a badass scar
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
