You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
