Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
