Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
