Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
