Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think my tv is drunk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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