We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
