HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
