Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
