4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My liver just broke up with me...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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