i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
