I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize