oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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