As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize